Grasping at Minutes
My son is at the school right now saying good-bye to his friends. Laughing and grasping at minutes to make just a few more memories. This mom's heart is tearful and tearing, praying that God will hold his heart within the next few months. I wish I could say at this moment that I was without worry. I wish I could say that I boldly march into the next few weeks with no fear. I feel that is what people are expecting us to say.
Just today alone Zander has been asked at least 5 different times, "Are you excited?" I see his little jaw get a little tighter and he looks back to smile and says, "Yes...." Inside the car he looks at me at says, "Mom, I'm nervous." And I pause, and think for a long second... "That's okay, bub. It's okay to be nervous- to be scared."
I wonder when did we ever start teaching that being brave meant not bearing any other emotion. The actual Webster's dictionary says brave means "ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage." When did we start believe showing courage meant not being scared? Over 80 times the Lord reminds us in the bible to not be scared. It's a beautiful reminder to me that even the legends called by the Lord needed gentle affirmations.
Courage Takes Heart.
Faith is not being without fear. Faith is moving in spite of fear. Eventually, I believe Faith will drown fear out. Faith is allowing love to compels us to move forward. Real faith and courage comes from learning to live like him, for allowing our hearts to break or to be filled with joy. As we draw closer to him, aren't we suppose to be like Christ? My Savior filled his heart with a love for humanity, to save a world that was lost. Our emotions keep us human and serve as a reminder to the one who came to save us and to save those who are around us.
I know I'm rambling on, and really I just needed a mom moment. I needed to take a deep breath and realize that these steps we walk are scary. It's total faith and abandonment. What will it be on the other side? Who knows.... but I do know who goes with us through this.
If my God can part the rivers, protect his children through fire, provide food in the desert--I know that His eyes are alway watching over and protecting us.
And in terms of bravery. Bravery means that we are ready. No matter the feelings, no matter the moments- the fear, the excitement, the nervousness-- we are ready and because we are ready we are brave.